there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
