Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
