There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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