we have pet lesbian snakes
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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