I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
