I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize