Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
