"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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