Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
