you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
