So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
