that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Green mimosas i think yes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
