Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
