Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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