this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
