two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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