Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
