Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
