You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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