I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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