He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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