I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
