that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
