theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
