You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
