Moan for me like Helen Keller
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
