you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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