Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
