Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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