he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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