whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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