It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
