Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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