I feel great
I just peed on a car
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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