maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
