Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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