Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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