my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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