I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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