My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
