i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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