The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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