I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
