No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
