He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
