I want to stick my p in your. b.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
