I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
