you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
