if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
