is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
