I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
