And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
