well you can't waste a boner
Is it because I queefed?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize