i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They are going to name an STD after you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
