what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
