wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
