PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
