you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
