shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
