just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
