FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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