How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
