Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
